'I went all the way across town and after we started getting it on we realized we didn't have any condoms.'
- It's a good idea to always carry some condoms and lube with you. Top or bottom, don't assume the other guy is going to take care of it. Finding yourself in a situation where you both are turned on and without a condom can be frustrating. Remember, there are a lot of things you can do besides anal sex. Sucking, rimming, rubbing and fingering are just a few.
'At first, we were just slipping the head in. Now we're really going at it without condoms. But we always make sure not to cum inside each other.'
- Most of us have experienced dipping, putting the head in, pulling out, and/or withdrawal - call it what you want. All of these are safer than cumming inside someone, but it's not without its risks for the top and the bottom. It's important to have conversations about sexual health with your partners. If you're not going to use condoms, pulling out does NOT eliminate HIV risk and your risk for other STI's. To reduce your risk, always use lots of lube.
'I love hanging out in the steam room at the gym and sucking guys off.'
- Sucking dick can be mmm, mmm good! Most guys who get HIV get it from anal intercourse without a condom not sucking without a condom. If you're going to suck, it's much safer to not take his cum in your mouth. If you do get cum in your mouth, your HIV risk is the same whether you spit or swallow. Good oral health can help minimize your risk but it's not a good idea to brush or floss before or after sucking dick because it can irritate your gums. For fresh breath use a mint or mouthwash.
'I only sleep with POZ guys so I don't have to use condoms.'
- Some experts say that an increase in the number of gay and bisexual men who know their HIV-positive status and who search for HIV-positive partners might be contributing to the decrease in new HIV cases in San Francisco. The dating practice, which is called 'sero-sorting' involves men choosing sex partners based on their common HIV serostatus. Studies have shown when people have knowledge of their serostatus, they take that knowledge and use it to protect their partners. It is important to remember that even when you and your partner are HIV-positive, it is a good idea to practice safer sex to make sure you do not re-infect each other or acquire or transmit other STI's.
'We've never used condoms before but I'm starting to have my doubts. I don't know how to tell him I want to start using them.'
- The decisions you make about using condoms within a relationship belong to you and your partner alone. However, no matter how close you are with your partner, communicating about HIV and STI's can sometimes feel uncomfortable or awkward. If you are already in the habit of not using condoms, this could bring up many issues for you both about trust and intimacy. Sometimes it helps to practice the conversation before hand or with friends. Although not easy, you should try and bring up the subject in a straightforward and honest way. Make it clear that you are still excited about being attentive to pleasure. You can buy your favorite box of condoms and explain to your partner why you like them. The internet even provides sample conversations about bringing up the topic with a partner. Even though getting rejected can be scary, it is ok to establish your limits and have conversations in which you and your partner talk about sex, STI's, open vs. closed relationships and condom use.
'I don't use condoms because they always slip off or break. Plus I have a hard time keeping it up.'
- The number one reason that condoms usually break or slip off is because people are not using them correctly. Condom breakages are usually caused by using oil-based lubes or not using enough lube. If you are having sex for hours it's a good idea to change condoms at least every 30 minutes. Shop around and find the right condom for you. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes (colors and flavors too). Condom slippages are usually caused by using too much lube on the inside of the condom or condoms being too big or too small. Also, not rolling the condom to the base of the penis, not withdrawing soon after cumming and losing your erection while having sex may cause a condom to slip off. Many guys have trouble maintaining erections while using condoms. Cockrings can definitely help. You may also want to talk to your doctor about your difficulty in maintaining an erection because there may be other physical or mental health reasons that can be addressed.
'I like to be dominated by big, ruff guys and let them have their way with me. If they don't pull out a condom, I just go with the flow.'
- Role playing during sex can be a real turn-on for some guys. If you don't want to break character during sex, it's a good idea to tell the guy what your limits are and how far you're willing to go up front. If you want to use condoms, let him know ahead of time. If you both decide not to use condoms you can also discuss other options such as pulling out and cumming on each other's bodies - just make sure there are no open cuts on the skin. In you're the top, it's a good idea to check in with the bottom every now and then.
'When I fuck raw, I only do it as a top because I don't want to get HIV.'
- A lot of men top to avoid HIV infection. While being a top is less risky, it is not risk free. HIV can enter the body through the dick and anytime you have unprotected sex you run the risk of getting or giving HIV as well as other STI's such as syphilis, chlamydia, herpes, genital warts and gonorrhea. Check in with your partner before you top him. Even if you don't like to, using condoms should always be an option you give to him.
Safer sex can be fun...with a little humor and imagination...talking about it can be fun, too.
He says...He says...
He says: 'You can't feel anything through a condom.'
You say: 'It sure feels better than sleeping alone. It'll feel great when I put the condom on you.'
He says: 'Sex without a condom is really hot.'
You say: 'I can think of things to do with a condom that would turn you on.'
He says: 'Trust me, I'm safe.'
You say: 'Good. Let's keep it that way. I want to be safe because I care about you.'
"I enjoy sex more when I play safe because I don't have to worry."
"Now, before I have sex with someone, I always talk to them ahead of time, to make sure they understand the need to be safe."
"When I'm in bed, I'll say NO if someone wants to screw without a condom. I explain that I won't do things that aren't safe, and I suggest safer alternatives. It takes willpower, but I feel better about myself afterwards."
"I'm not giving up sex. I'm giving up risk."
"Someone who plays safe is a real turn on for me because I know he cares about himself and the other person too."
"When I play safe, I feel more in control of my life."
"Everyone I know is playing safe, either by using a condom or by doing things like massage or rubbing."
"There's nothing better than waking up in the morning and knowing that I was safe the night before."
"I keep condoms everywhere-at home, in my car, in my suitcase and in my pocket. I even keep K-Y around too, whether or not I think I might have sex."
"I didn't know much about condoms, so I practiced the whole routine first and figured out how to use them right. Sometimes I even teach my partner. That can be kind of fun."
Is that a condom on the banana in your pants or are you just happy to see me?